I faked an abortion last night.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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