I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
