The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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