so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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