Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
