I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
