Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
