I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
