you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
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