New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
