im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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