my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
