your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I intend to get homeless drunk
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
