i may or may not be watching the land before time
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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