You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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