I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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