Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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