just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
im holly from the hills drunk
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
