You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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