so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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