end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm jealous of your bromance
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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