don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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