Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
