dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
