I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She bit a glass in half.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
