I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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