I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize