That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
