I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
