I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
