Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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