It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
