im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
