Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
