champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
