yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
