I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
