Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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