Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
