i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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