This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
