I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
