Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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