i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
