Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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