He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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