Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
