my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
