fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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