guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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