i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
