There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
