Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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