I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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