I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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