OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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