you guys were way drunker than both of me
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
