Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
