My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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