I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
