Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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