He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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