I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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