Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
