Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
