There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
