I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Randomize
