Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just gargled with NyQuil
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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