he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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