My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize